ANNA BALMER's MOTHER
Created by john 7 years ago
From what my mother told us, my mother was was my grandmother's favourite daugher: she called my mother "her little sunshine": O Sole Mio! My mother's birth was a difficult one and it was thought she was dead: there was no sign of any life. However the midwife spent some time gently massaging my mother and there was great joy when my mother started to breathe. My mother often spoke fondly of her mother who was born in Naples but, sadly, her father died when she was very young. Her mother re-married and it was decided she should be looked after by an order of nuns with two of her aunts serving as guardians. She was looked after by the nuns until her twenties and it was during these years that she, quite understandably, acquired a very religious outlook; this informed her attitudes for the rest of her life. My mother told us how, prayers were always said at meal times and at night and it was quite common for my mother to say the rosary with her children: this was often done when the children were naughty (my mother remembers her eldest sister kicking my mother under the table and giggling during the recitation of the rosary). The sign of the cross was made all the time, often when my grandfather was critical of the church and clergy or when he lost his temper. Today we would probably call my Italian grandmother's marriage to be an arranged marriage: her aunts suggested that it might be a wonderful idea for her to marry Antonio an unmarried but very succesful and rich business man. She did. The marriage was a great success and my mother said there was much love in their home; both were very loving hut rather strict parents. My grandmother gave issue to seven children-all girls-but only three daughers survived (Giusepina, Annunziata, Lina and my mother Anna Paolina). The children received a private education at the prestigious Contessa D'Aosta school in Naples and moved in what we would now call "polite society". During the second world war by grandfather died and my grandmother was left, struggling, to look after and feed her children. Whilst the family was very well-off and they had servants (including a coachman), my grandmother was an excellent cook. Meals times were always formal affairs; with a white table cloth, proper cutlery and glasses and this tradition continued in our family (my mother used to repremand us as children if we did not maintain these standards but was delighted when a table was well-and formally-set). Just as meals were a centre of family life for my grandmother this was also the case for Mum and was in no doubt this should also be the case for her grandchildren. Good manners were also instilled in my grandmother's children. I remember one story, told by my mother, who remembered how my grandmother reminded my mother to be on her very best behaviour during a visit to an aristoratic friend and insisted she had to wear white gloves and, if offered food, to decline at first; if food was to be taken only a little should be taken, and eaten very slowly. Another story relates to the facists who were in power in Italy from the pre-war year only. My grandfather had no time for them and refused to wear the obligatory black tie and, as a prominant industrialist, the absence of this tie started to cause problems. My mother told one story of the facists knocking on the front door which was kept closed for a few minutes whilst my grandmother shouted at grandfather to be sensible whilst she firmly put on a black tie which she had bought ("they will take you away and we will never see you again, put on the tie, its only a tie!). My grandmother's kindness was evident during the second world war. Dad, as an army cook, had given my mother some eggs, flour etc seeing how hungry she was and my grandmother was stuck by this kindness "Invite this Englishman home". She did and my grandmother rustled up a meal from nothing. Dad loved being part of this very loving family and my grandmother often said to my mother "if you don't marry him I will" (however there were strict conditions as I tell elsewhere). My grandmother also looked after one of my father's younger brothers Uncle Reg who was also in Italy as part of the British Army and would also visit her. On his first visit to the Sapio home - and seeing my uncle so exhausted, hun gry and thin - after a meal my mother invited him to sleep in her brother: he did and slept for a day and a half! My mother was close to my mother's side of the family including my mother's brother and his daughter and children. When I was seven I visited my mother's uncle who lived in a very lovely apartment but I really did not understand who he was other than being a relation! He was so pleased to see me and I remember he asked me what I would like to drink and I asked for a peppermint cordial which he asked his daughter to go out and buy. When drinking the peppermint drink my great uncle put his face close to mine and I asked my mother what he was doing he replied "I do not want my grand nephew to choke"). Now I can appreciate the importance of this visit-a visit to the brother of my Italian grandmother-and in clatching a glimpse of something of the warmth, love and humanity of the Sapio family. Sapio-in English-translates as Wisdom and my mother and my Neapolitan grandmother had this in buckets. I would like to feel that her children have just a little something of this wisdom too. Our colleagues and friends will have a view on this of course but perhaps we should not ask them for their opinion! I suppose it would not be a wise thing to do.