MY MOTHER'S WEDDING: A TOUCHING LOVE STORY
1945 October - 1946 October
Created by john 7 years ago
My parents fell in love in Naples during the war years. Mum was
stunningly beautiful and Dad was rather handsome. When my father, Wilfrid, proposed marriage to my mother in 1945, he sought the permission of her mother (my Neapolitan granfather, a prominant industrialist -Antonio Sapio-had died a few years earlier). Although my gradmother was very fond of Dad, she was very protective of my mother and wanted to be certain of the strength of my father's love for Mum. Anna- my mother- was probably my grandmother's favourite daughter: She used to call her O sole mio (you are my sunshine) after the famous song (see the music page of this tribute site). Nonna Sapio agreed to the marriage but with one proviso: Dad had to return to England and wait a year. If, after a year, they were both in love then the wedding could proceed. So, for an entire year, they kept their pledge and were only able to communicate via letter . In 1946 Dad returned to Italy; both confirmed their love had not only endured but had grown and Nonna granted here consent and insisted, however, that the wedding should be according to the Catholic Rites and had to be a full Nuptial Mass. However, the wedding was not going to be so straightforward! Then (quite different today) it was difficult to have a "mixed marriage". As such, my father-as an anglican - decided to
become a catholic (difficult because his father was a devout Anglican
and a member of both the Church of England Synod and Chichester Diocesan synod). There was another hurdle! The local parish priest
refused to marry them (he did not trust the intentions of "this
Englishman"). Mum was resolute all the same and sought advice from a senior cleric of the Metropolitan Diocese of Naples who suggested that the clergy at the celebrated Basilica of Our Lady of the Rosary (Maria Rosaria) in Pompeii were more intellectual and would very likely be open to conducting the marriage. They were. Another problem! The basilica did not have any gaps for a nuptial mass for months ahead (it was and is a very popular church for weddings) that is, with the exception of Friday October 17th (a date analogous to the English to Friday 13th). So this date was taken and on this date on Friday, October 17th, 1946 my parents were married during a Sung Latin Mass at the basilica where the children of the local orphanage sang. These were the war post war years and things were tough. The wedding dress was given by a dear friend of mum's: a sad story. (Whilst her friend married in this dress her husband was arrested by the Nazis immediately after the wedding as was never seen again.) There was no formal photography but a former soldier friend of Dad's saw Dad at the Basilica, said well dad chap and fortunately took a photo of Mum and Dad: the only photo of the wedding which we cheerish. Confetti (italian wedding sweets) were given to family and friends and the very modest wedding breakfast consisted of pasta fagioli; a simple classic dish of pasta and beans! The day after the wedding my parents left for their new life in
England by train-taking a very short honeymoon in Rome. When my father presented his new wife to his parents (Granny and Grandad Balmer the welcome was not at all warm at first: my grandfather was upset that my father (his eldest son) had not only married a catholic but had become one too: "the catholics have got you" he shouted. However granny Balmer told him firmly to be quiet and welcomed my mother. The next day he visited my mother, apologised and took her on a visit to Brighton: they soon become fond of each other. (When I was born he knelt down at the side of her bed a said a prayer of thanksgiving and, with my parents, decided that John would be an excellent name for me.) It was not difficult to like my mother-she was incredibly beautiful and charming and had a very smart dress sense;moreover, you she had a charm and graciousness and a philosophy of one who loved life: 'Amo la vita'. The totatality of Mum's character and approach to life is summed up by what Italians call a Bella Figura. (Bella figura is not only about clothes, visual beauty and presentation; it also embraces behaviour: knowing how to properly and
graciously interact with others in any social or public situation.
As such exhibiting good manners, tact and gentility is an essential component of
“cutting a beautiful figure” : a bella figura!) My Italian grandmother who so loved her youngest daughter only saw Mum once again when Mum returned a few years latter with her first born and only daughter Maria Rosaria (named after the basilica where they were married) which brought great joy to my grandmother. Shortly afterwards my grandmother discovered she had cancer and instructed her family not to tell my mother so as to avoid her any pain. Mum, sadly, found out about her mother's
death by letter some 3 weeks after her death and she was heartbroken. Mum subsequently visited the resting place of her mother, and father at the Sapio mausoleum in San Giorgio a Cremano. On the Silver Jubilee of their wedding they visited Naples and on their Ruby Anniversary, mum and dad renewed their wedding vows during a votive mass of Our Lady of the Rosary which was celebrated at St John the Baptist Church, Kemp Town, Brighton. Their golden anniversary was a far sober afair since Dad was in hospital with cancer. In 2004 Mum, her eldest daughter Maria and youngest son John visited the Basilica of Mario Rosaria in Pompeii where the archivest brought out the wedding register with mum and dad's signature. They also visited the family mausoluem and the former family Sapio home (a vast villa which now comprises 6 apartments). The visit was very emotional and memorable and with my mother's death this event has become even more so.